The lush, life-enhancing warm currents of the Gulf Stream, with their resultant balmy winters and wonderful sub-tropical summers that encourage all manner of exotic plantlife to the flourish in the gardens of Britain's west-coast island communities, are totally non-existent on the Shanty Isles.
Instead, for 10 months of the year the Shantys are subject to the terrifying, life threatening cold currents of the Wulf Stream, with their resultant polar winters and woeful sub-arctic summers which encourage all manner of non-exotic plantlife to die in the gardens of the Shanty Isles' few remaining horticulturists (or madmun as they are known in Old Shanto)
It is a long held view that the Wulf Stream is named after the famous Lancashire-Norwegian navigator Fegg Wulf (1567AD - 1597AD), first ever man to both land a ship and vomit on the shores of the Shanty Isles. This is a common mistake however as the Wulf Stream is in in fact named after it's alarming tendency for blowing Greenland ice floes full of enraged and hungry arctic wolves across the Atlantic and onto the shores of the Shanty Isles - where they are often adopted by locals farmers to protect them from their livestock and also to serve as part of Stink Isle's radical new guide dogs for the blind programme.
Above - Explorer Fegg Wulf relaxes between voyages
On a geographical oddity note Shanty Isles are reknowned among oceanographers for having the smallest tidal range of any islands on earth. In fact, at low tide the sea level actually rises by twenty feet, thus flooding large parts of the islands including almost half the official capital Puffins Clout. Whole streets are rendered completely sub-aquatic, public toilets are picked clean by scavenging pilchards and the inhabitants are forced to travel from place to place on old boats fashioned from light rocks using cormorants as paddles. In recent years this delightful area has earned itself the title of Little Venice and is fast becoming Fiddler Isle's number one tourist attraction after the Museum of Death
One of Little Venice's many seafood restaurants